بومة في الغربة

اذا احسست بالوحدة…بالخذلان…بالضياع..بالخوف ..بالضعف. .لا تبكي…..تناسي ……..اختبئي و لو بجحر الذئب  وصلي…طهري قلبك من اسمائهم…اصواتم…من شياطينهم…و صلي.

منعطف

لو تتساقط النساء من السماء … لن أنظر لغيرك … رددها ويده في غاية التردد لالتقاط يديها المرتميتين  تحت كتفيها خجلاً  وخوفاً من مباغتة مفاجئة تفقد يديها عذرية لمس يد  رجل لن يسرق اسمها الأخير… يديها هي الهدية السامية التي اقتطعت عهداً لأن لا تهدى ألا لشخص واحد فقط  لا غير………و هو ذاك النبيل منطتي  الحصان الأبيض ..  لن تتنازل عن حلم طفولتها الذي نضج  قبل أوانه  …..

احمرت وجنتيها …. وكان هذا أكثر ما يلفته بها .. احمرار وجنتيها …. وترامي نظراتها أبعد ما يمكن عن المتر الذي يفصل بين مقعديهما …. سأشتري لك هذا الشارع .. قال لها وعينة تبرقان أملاً …ومن له حلم بأخذك مني سأدفنه هنا تحت زهرة عباد الشمس هذه …تساءلت وارتعشت خوفا قد هز كيانها … كيف لعاشق أن يعطيني حياة شرطها الجزائي جثث وهمية متراميه فوق جذور زهوري المفضلة؟؟

  أكمل خطابه متقمصاً شخصية شاعر لم يقرأ له بيتاً في حياته  : لن أسميك أمرأة … سأسميك كل شيء.. .. تسألت في نفسها تبحث عن جواب لتساؤلاتها :   “لم كل شيء ؟؟ وليس كل أحد ؟؟ ” ……. طردت افكارها الشيطانية و رمت بتساؤلاتها لزهور عباد الشمس المتعالية مثلها.

لطالما أحسّت بأن هناك شبه ورابطة روحانية غريبة تجمعها بتلك الأزهار المختلفة…. ماذا ولو كان هذا هو ذاك اللورد المميز الذي استولى على أحلامها طوال هذه السنين؟ ماذا لو كان احدهم صادقاً هذه المرة…. التفتت و حدقت في عيناه الزرقاويين… فسمعت قهقهات جارحة تدوي من قاع احدر زواياة عقلها المظلمة قائلاً: كم أنك ساذجة! سيأخذ قطعة من قلبك و يلقي بها مع اعقاب سجائره تحت كعب قدمه! انج بنفسك!

 عام مضى على هذا الحوار …..وبصدفة ساخرة جمعتها بذات الشارع ….. و قد ماتت أزهار عباد الشمس في ذاك الشارع ولم يدفن على اعتابها أحد كما ادعى .. كيف لأحد أن يدفن على يداه وقد انشغل باحترافه لدفن أحلامها و طموحاتها الجبارة  … كان باستمرار يطلق عليها كلاب خياله المتوحش لتنهش صورتها الوردية بأنياب سوء ظنه (اقتباس) ..رغم المتر الألزامي الذي لطالما كان يضايقه بوجودها بجواره …. لست أدري على أي منعطف من الطريق أضعت الشخص الذي كنته فيما مضى (اقتباس)……. قالت باحثة عن زهرة عباد شمس واحدة تعيد لصدرها ضجيج دقات قلبها التي انتزعته وألقت به طعاماً لكلاب أمثاله ……..يتبع

Hypnotism Effect

Here its past 1:00 am and the sound of the soft breeze awakens these little thoughts in my head, and tickles my fingertips to write something that is laying right beyond these words you are reading at this moment.

My chaotic piece of brain has just anchored to the shore of some randomly scattered thoughts which rocked my boat with some questions those might be answering themselves.

Have you ever wondered what could the reason be for some people to chase after your being, fight  and fight inside themselves and against their surroundings, do the impossible to get a glimpse of hope of capturing a moment of your unfamiliar diffusion and chaos?

Masterpieces from heaven they have painted for you. And eventually put you into deep to believe that you are the master of their empires so then your human nature is awakened to reflect appreciation, dedication  and thoughtfulness .

Your diffusion has totally captured their entire short-term plan. Eventually your powerful chaos  that had smoothly made you an impossible being capable of accomplishing excellent performances diminishes by the influence of that halt you took to consider their appreciation!

Once your consideration exaggerates , you start to lose that charm … drop by a drop until the shine fades. you look into the mirror and ask: Mirror Mirror : Who is that in front of me?

Another scenario could occur once you halt for appreciation; its not only your energy fades, but also their consideration diminishes! And sometimes, their appreciation turns into ignorance and underestimation. You lay down on your bed with your head looking upward.. and ask again: What have I done to myself ?!

Rania

العيد .. مش بالموود

بحب العيد بس ما بعشقه … بحبة عشان قيمته الدينية والمعنويه والعطلة طبعاً بس ما بعشقه لتقليديته وكلسيكيتو … مش شرط أفرح للأزمة ، ولا لغلاء الأسعار الموسمي ولا لأزمة الشوارع ولا للناس ألي بتضرب بعض عشان يشترو أخر بلوزة من أخر نمرة .. ولا للعيديه المحسوب الها ألف حساب ولا للاستنفار العائلي الموسمي والتجند للإلتزامات العائلية ، ولا لحبة المعمول ألي لو ما أخدتها من كل بيت بفوتو بكون كسرت خاطر ست البيت ، طب أنا ما بحب المعمول ولا بحب ريحته ، ولا بحب أعمل طواف الأقارب والجيران ألي يدوب حافظة أساميهم .. ليش لازم أفراح العيد تكون كلاسيكية .. نفسي أفرح بالعيد ع طريقتي… اصحى أبوس ماما وأعيد عليها لأنها فعلياً عيدي اليومي …. جلسة عائلية مقربة و لطيفة … أفطر وأطلع .أمشي بالشوارع بملابسي العادية مش ضروري اشتري اواعي جداد ..أضحك وأنسى شغلي وأضيع وقت حر من كل الألتزامات لو عل الرصيف .. .. أشوف الناس ألي بحبهم واللي زمان ما شفتهم .. أعيد عل الناس ألي نسيو حالهم ونسيهم العيد ، ازور دور الأيتام والعجزه… اه ما تستغربو أنا من هاد النوع المفلسف .. … عيلتك بشفوك كل يوم .. في ناس نفسها تحس أن حدا شايل همها لو بإبتسامة .

نام الأسد

بليلة كان فيها ضو قمر …وشويّت مطر

..هبّت ريح…….

قبل المغرب…..و بعد العصر….

.زادت ريح…قَرص البرد….و زاد المطر…..

.حطت غيمة و..عتمة مخيفة..

 هجمت…ضربت…وأغتالتني .. مشاعر عنيفة .

..  و شفت وجوه… أبداً… مش اليفة…

..وين أتخبى…ما في مفر؟

 ليش البرد..؟؟..وراح الضو….ما في جواب ؟ .. اختفى القمر؟….وين القمر ؟ وين  البطل ؟؟

 عزفو الناي…  و سكت الكلام..

صاح الرعد : نام الأسد نام الأسد

..انخطف صوتو للأبد

.على علمي الأسد..ما بنام..

..سكت الكلام

سكت حسو للأبد

… مع شويت صور….و حلم خرافي

.حلم خيالي بدن أمل…

…بيرجع ؟ ما بيرجع..؟؟

 الله أعطى….والله أخد…بروح الوالي وبضل الولد..

  .و غصة خفية …لولد الولد

Would You Come Back …For Me ?

If I look to your old pictures and count again in my memory your seventeen white hairs scattered randomly underneath and between your thick dark hair of your sacred blessed head   , smell their fragrance in my heart  and absorb your unique perfume down to  my soul ; would you came back ??

If I tell you again my stories, or keep your unsent letters in my draft box ;  would you come back ? if you knew nine years haven’t erased your voice from my head ! would you come back ??

If I promise to talk to your photos in my purse , on my wall and in in my brain , if I tell you about what I have done for you and what I would never do , also for you   …. would you come back ?

If I wear your wristwatch ; pause its time before your departure,  put on your tie , get ready to your assumed meeting , smell your suits .. would you feel sorry for my heart and consider coming back !! ?

If I see you in all good faces , and beautiful places … would you ?

If I said that I need your embrace , only yours and no one else’s?  if I want to ask for another year? month? day ? second?? Would you?

If I mourn you endlessly ; smell and kiss your hands in my memory forever  ,would you ??? If I told you there were too many stories and occasions you have missed and they crave being told to you? would you ??

If you wanted to come back ….. could you ?? if time reverted !! would it stop in March !!! if August was eternal and March never arrived ; would you have left ??

If lord changed the rules of universe and my insanity became  the method to sanity and global wisdom !! WILL YOU? .

Let’s give  mercy to my poor heart and  chaotic brain , and decide in my imagination , what relieves my pain and lie that you will…. You are coming back .That what I decide in my restless soul and reckless mind,without how, when or where… I will be waiting by now ……. For you ❤

I am yours…

RIP Dad

 

Dont Kill Yourself , something else will kill you !

طwell , let me give you a brief idea of what kind of human being Iam , I am a kind of person who is  living in an annoying  society of the third world , Arab world specifically!! the idea of the third world is pissing me off as if you come and check ,you will see that everything here is moving forward and to the better..technology , services..,education and every material related thing is getting more sophisticated, except of mentalities…where people pretend that they traveled abroad, mixed up with foreigners,,now they can speak languages fluently ….Arab men now look good with sexy muscular bodies and ladies wear stylish brands, wear full make up…they are just as men can describe them to be ( SPACE ROCKETS)…or ((Sarrookh ..as its locally said))..well you can see that MASHALLAH we are getting better with shapes and surfaces, but internally and mentally …most of the society members still wear the Cavemen mentalities…

I am not talking about ethics of morals here.not even religion(( as this is a critical subject to talk abt here as well))…and .because i will post a special text about this subject.

well, I am a sarcastic, straight to the point person…socially, and to business oriented matters.. i am very smart..but when it comes to analysis or ( Think to solve matters) i am the most stupid creature earth ever held on its surface. i dont understand most jokes from the fist time…i believe everything that is said to me for the first time..5 minutes later i realized it was a joke..lol

I love relations and people communicating , i know lots of people and never save knowing or having a conversation with anybody( if i am in a good mood and nobody messed with my day)   and though i delete people as easy as i make friends…now ask me why and how i delete them..because i am a sick aggressive person??? of course not…because living in the third world requires that 75% of your time is wasted on bull shit, sorry for terms but seriously,75% of what you see or what you waste of your time is wasted by obligation on useless discussions or fixing unsolvable wars not made by you ..mostly against you ..if you are a different mentality person..busy minded staring in the space of no where thinking of a way to either Kill yourself, run out of the country ..or fix the world.. and in a THIRD world society..none of the mentioned is available. as 75 % of your time is wasted, so its time to work on supply and demand curve..let me explain more to you later as i have to run to kitchen , saving my boiling Turkish coffee from evaporating.

Good day
   

And I whisper to your soul ..

Having alreay thrown the world behind and chozen the path to the stars …. aiming to the unique unmatched super yet simple refuge …. creating the regular , hard impossible yet through nothing … looking to my past I took the rugged stony roads as flat and simple never irritated my interest .

Now the more I climb upward to peak of performance the more I am satisfied and smiling with  fulfillment , but more exclamation marks are being drawn upfront my sight !!!  and bigger question marks are thrown !

what if I stopped ? what if I missed being normal ? dependent ? lazy and clueless ?

what If I wanted my clock to pause for a time out ! would I have a choice to !! the irony comes with the answer of rejection !!! as if a vague voice comes from no place up there telling me the big loudly ” NO ” , You have chosen the path of non stopping . and have chosen to be big no matter if you can take it for ever or not .

But I need to stop ! missing the old old time although the old times my brain can recall were also scattered images on the margins of this same path I am taking now . with one exception of ” my star ” that time has stolen with no mercy . so may my curse be upon time who failed my tiny dreamy illusions and took you away my shining bright star .

May my blessings cover you and embrace the soil that is warming you in these lonely nights . as much as I miss the bright bronze color of yours , as much as  shiny powers of your love still energize me with unlimited ultimate intentions to not accept less than the best as you raised me to be  .

I have no Idea how could such powers persist in such a clumsy world . as much as I pay back , as much as I cant pay it for you except with gratitude and those streams of conversation I have with your absent body and present soul .Its funny how every text I write starts with something and ends up about you !! I myself cant define this .How this huge amount of love you gave me and I have for you is still warm and beating in every drop of my blood . I even define love by your name . and memory . May the good lord please the heaven by your presence . May the good lord please me with meeting you …One Day !

RIP Dad !

Yours ;

ME